I spend the majority of my time caught between research and writing; if a piece lacks footnotes and citations, I begin to feel guilty for working on it when I have so much other work to do. I am driven, but I also have a tendency to prolong my work. I can begin weeks or months before the deadline, and I still find myself in a critical panic before submission, no matter how much time I invested in a project. As such, indulging in my desire to write for my own pleasure (Something which I first began as a child, caught in the awkward world of elementary and high school drama, where no one really has any idea of who they are, or who they want to be), comes at the cost of guilt, unless I have absolutely nothing on my plate. As a graduate student, working as a TA for multiple courses and instructors, this is a rare occasion. Still, I manage to squirrel away minutes here and there, hoping that the right muse will strike me; it is difficult when you end up being struck by Clio when you were hoping for Calliope or Erato, and vice versa.

Well, I have been saving up bits of my creative writing. snippets of incomplete stories, unedited poems, and so on. I just haven’t had the time to set them up for an audience.  I am going to post a few through-out the next couple of days, hoping that they are at least somewhat enjoyable for people other than myself. The internet is an amazing thing, really, allowing this kind of presentation, to reach a wider audience.

Enough with my rambling on, it seems somewhat melancholic in reflection.

Sunset Sky- M. Negrych 2013

Sunset Sky- M. Negrych 2013

The Fear of Truth
These fleeting pleasantries which we exchange,
Fraught with deep disquiet need, 
Cannot be lost on gusts of air between their utterance and their reception. 
Dark reprieve and emotional waterfalls, 
Trapped within the churning void of night, 
They drip heat from their lips. 
Can it be said that these words are empty,
When they are like the force of stone? 
Stronger than the pull of gravity,
These words are covers for the truth which begs to be hidden to save us all from exposure.


Filed under Musing/Thoughts, poetry

6 responses to “Resurgence

    • Are you offering this as criticism? As a comment on how you view my leisurely writing? As a caution for my inevitable downfall into despair and the trudging 9-5 monotony?

      I don’t think you really know anything about ‘my position’, or my goals?
      I’m not hampered or dispassionate about the work I am doing, but as someone pursuing their MA, the work does become a bit tiresome, only because I am already moving on, in my mind, to the next topics I want to investigate. I love what I am writing, what I am researching and discovering, but I also have about 20 or 30 other possible connections that have sprung from my work over the past months that I am chomping at the bit to follow up on. As a student, no one gets the time to do all they want to do.

      • I’m not sure where I mentioned your goals…?

        As for position, well, you say it rather clearly on your ‘About’ page. It doesn’t leave too much to the imagination and in this context it literally has all the information needed to make the connection that these articles, rather directly, address someone in your position. Regardless of whether you can/want to hack it in academe, surely there’s some relevance no matter how sporadically you want to teach and participate in that system.

        Really, your defensiveness is just completely unwarranted.

      • I apologize for my abruptness. You gave no context, save for asking how I felt about an article which ( I could not access one due to having to subscribe prior to viewing) ultimately are very negative about academic writing and those who pursue it. Honestly, I do my work for myself, I pursue my own research interests and topics, which are a bit obscure. I enjoy doing it. I love working academically not solely because it is something I am good at, but because it is something that I actively push myself to keep doing. Should teaching in a post-secondary setting be where I end up, I would hope that my enthusiasm for discovery and furthering my knowledge would rub off on others.
        I’ve come up against the “well, what are you going to do with that? There are no possible positions for your type anymore,” quite a few times. Mostly I just shrug and tell them I will keep doing what I am doing because it makes me happy. Sure, I would like more time to pursue my own leisure writing, but I have tried that in the past and it has only led me to dislike where I find myself (working a job I dislike simply to pay the way). At least this way I can have both my passion, my enthusiasm, and my happiness.

      • Completely understandable! I was trying to avoid poisoning the well or whatever that metaphor is. I hope that makes?

        Thank you for your answer!

      • Not a problem. I was a bit pre-disposed to prickliness today and took your question in the wrong way. Thank you for bearing with me.

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